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Why Can't We Play Nice in the Sandbox?

When we first become pregnant, we start planning on how WE are going to parent? But can every way be the right way? Or are there too many children the sandbox?

Hamden Patch, North Branford Patch and Branford Patch collectively did something for women last week that I have never seen before.  They publicly displayed the Universal Breastfeeding Symbol and wrote in support of breastfeeding.

One blog, by Doreen Currie and by yours truly, were coincidentally featured on the same week.  Most comments came out in support of a woman's right to breastfeed in public or on Facebook. Some did not. 

The most noticeable argument was not about whether or not a woman should breastfeed but about HOW she should breastfeed – cover up, stay inside, let people stare etc.  It started me thinking about how freely judmental we can be about how others parent their children. 

This applies not only to the choice of breastfeeding but other decisions parents have to make.  Cloth vs disposable, organic homemade vs jarred store-bought, vaccines or anti-vaccine, medications or diet. 

According to Irene S. Levine, Ph.D, a psychologist and award-winning freelance journalist: 

"Unfortunately, some mean girls never grow up, continuing similar behaviors as adults. So the insidious practice of woman-on-woman bullying – often used to dominate and control subordinates or colleagues – is common in the workplace. Similarly, stay-at-home moms are still victimized by frenemies and neighbors. They and their kids become the subject of gossip, and are systematically excluded from play dates, playgroups and birthday parties. This is a particularly pernicious form of bullying because it attacks not only a grown woman but also her child." (Psychology Today Aug 13, 2010)

I wonder if the same phenomenom happens amongst fathers. Do they whisper about the clothes other children are wearing or if a baby has gone to long without giving up his binky?

When we first become pregnant, we start planning on how WE are going to parent? But can every way be the right way?  Or are there too many "children" the sandbox?

Janis D'Andrea March 6, 2012 at 01:13 am
The question about fathers caught my attention. The answer is no. They like their sons are way too cool to be distracted by all the drama. Of course this is only my opinion and experience of having a husband and a son. My firstborn was a son and 4 years later came my girl. Girls play and socialize in a world of their own. They start at a very young age and I agree if they don't grow up or are not taught that it is not okay to say I won't be your friend if you are friends with" her" and so on, then they will grow up to be mean. And, it gets more complicated as time goes on.Fathers and boys just don't do that. Girls need to hear advice at a very young age that it is okay to be friends with everyone and no one should make them feel badly about that. We as parents need to listen our children. Lastly, I am proud of my girl for having the insight to know right from wrong.
Nancy Ford-Russo March 6, 2012 at 11:52 am
"Girls need to hear advice at a very young age that it is okay to be friends with everyone and no one should make them feel badly about that". I love that Janis! And sadly, all to often it's the mothers who direct their daughters toward who they should be playing with! There would be a lot less bullying among girls once they get to middle school and beyond if they are taught from a very early age (the sandbox) that it's not ok to exclude anyone on the basis of how she looks or the clothes she wears. And it also wouldn't hurt to teach them when they are a little older how to spot a kid who maybe is feeling a little shy and to help them out! Both kids win in a situation like this. The helper feels great about herself for having done it and the shy kid feels great about being included!
Nicole Ball March 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm
Joanna Ober via Branford Patch Facebook (Facebook.com/branfordpatch):
Wow, thankfully the only nasty comment I ever came across about being an at-home mom, was to my face and I was able to deflect it. I posted the experience on my fb page, to vent (no names where used), and got the support of many wonderful working and at-home parents alike. Win-win. Everyone is doing what the can; the best they can. Peace.

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